This story is important for people to read, because even though you may be going through something totally other than my specific chronic condition, this is what the journey from severe chronic disease to health looks like. Especially those who don't believe it is possible; because at one point in my life, that was me.
Like many Americans growing up in the 80's and 90's, I ate and lived in the standard American way. Frozen dinners, pop tarts, stressed about school, worrying about how I was going to make money when I grew older. I was pumped with a certain messaging from TV and movies that did little to inspire creativity and more to condition me to accept the harsh realities and inevitabilities of the "real world".
But I wasn't aware of any of this as it was happening. Most of us are not aware. We think because everyone else is basically accepting similar social standards, this is all just normal. Many of us even come to enjoy being well-adjusted to this way of life, and that's perfectly fine. But for me, I was one of the sensitive ones. At every step of my childhood, something was not quite right.
And so one day, a difficult life circumstance instantly triggered a serious depressive episode. My parents and doctors didn't know what to think. I was immediately put on medication. And thus began my 17-year battle with what doctors call major depression and generalized anxiety.
What followed was a very serious and persistent dis-ease within me that would not go away. After a year or two it had nothing to do with that original trauma. I had fully moved on. But during that 17-year time, I had gone through many severe swings between feeling completely fine and normal, to being this close to the end of my life.
To be honest, when I was on the medications they gave me, I felt okay enough. Numb, but stable. It was only when I tried to stop the medication that I would crash harder than I could possibly explain to anyone reading this. It was hell on Earth. To give an example, imagine waking up every single morning to such an excruciating, existential panic that you had to vomit bile until the feeling stopped.. every morning! This was my life every time I tried to not take the medications I knew I didn't need. And it would take me about 6 months to fully recover from one of those episodes.. 6 months of no job (because I had to quit each time), therapy, group therapies, a new 2nd or 3rd medication, etc. Somehow I'd find myself back on my feet again, back in the real world without any indication I had this going on in my life, and swearing to myself I'd never mess with this again.
But sure enough I would try, again and again. Around the age of 28, about a decade after this all first started, I started making more intentional efforts to really look at myself and try to improve in anyway I could. Up until this point, I had perfected a massive victimhood mentality. If I was ever feeling down, on the one hand yes I was super negative towards myself, but on the other hand everything and everyone around me was to blame. I judged everything, so much. I couldn't connect with anybody in any meaningful way, because all I could see were perpetrators.
So what changed was I reached the point of feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I was done with it. Finally the pain of remaining the same outweighed the pain of change. And so I would read books, listen to self-improvement podcasts, walk around NYC alone during the day for hours, go to therapy twice a week, take breathwork classes, etc. And all of this was massively helpful. Nobody ever told me, as it turns out, all therapists aren't equal! It actually matters that you find one that you vibe with and can actually open up to. Who would've thought! So therapy was a huge step for me because I realized I could actually question my automatic thought patterns and ask the question, is this belief really true?
And so what I found was one revelation always lead to the next. It was as if the Universe were saying to me "If you take one step towards me, I'll take care of the rest." The next major step for me was learning the truth about how the world is. Up until this point, I had generally ignored the news and what was going on in the world. But now I had made so much progress with my personal health, I actually had the capacity to care again about issues that were bigger than me. This was now 2013 when Edward Snowden revealed to the world all the details of how US government agencies openly spy on everyday citizens. It was worse than anyone ever could've imagined.
Something about learning all that triggered something in me. I immediately asked the question.. so what else are they doing? And I dove deep. I spent what would be the next 3-4 years reading books, watching documentaries, and uncovering all the little known truths about our government, mainstream media, corporations, the pharmaceutical industry, industrial agriculture, factory farming, Hollywood, our education system, why we're constantly at war, and why things never seem to change regardless of who was in office. These details were all out there in plain sight, but few bother to look, and now I understood why.
As it relates to my ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety, this was a huge leap forward. One would think learning about all this dark stuff would only send me further into the pits of depression. But it did the opposite. I was hugely empowered by learning these Truths. Why? There's a quote by the Indian mystic Jiddu Krishnamurti:
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
It suddenly all made perfect sense why I felt the way I did. What society had become over the decades was profoundly sick. There is no other way to say it. It makes perfect sense why there is so much mental illness. So much anxiety. School shootings. Suicides. Drug addictions. Cancer. Heart Disease. Obesity. Diabetes. Infertility. Hormonal issues. Our shit healthcare system. Shitty politicians. Greedy corporations. The environmental crisis. Perpetual war. Perpetual homelessness. Poverty. Hunger. I mean, the list goes on and on.
If you cannot see this for yourself, you're not looking hard enough. You need to read more. Or you've been told a different story by the people you personally follow which you've accepted as reality. Or, you're being ignore-ant to these facts out of fear so you can maintain some sense of sanity through a falsely positive mindset. I know that's harsh, but that's usually what's going on with the people who cannot see how bad things have become. Not always though, because as I'm about to explain, there is an even higher truth that awaits all of us. And the news is good.
So now I was really on a mission to pull myself out of this depression/anxiety situation once and for all. I took time off and traveled by myself in Europe. I spent time at Thich Nhat Hanh's Plum Village in France, I learned the importance of meditation, I quit alcohol and weed completely, I quit my job and started my own businesses, I discovered the world of spirituality, I had profound experiences with plant medicines, I ended toxic relationships that no longer served me, and I started improving my diet. My world was really opening up, and at this point, I had amassed numerous direct experiences which confirmed that what we call the "spirit world" is actually real. More on that in another post as well. Still, I had to go through more and more attempts to get off the medications before it actually worked. It was around the 6th or 7th failure that I said to myself, that's it. Forget it, no more. This is a physical impossibility that goes beyond anything I could ever directly control. I'm just going to be on medication for the rest of my life, and that's just fine.
Well now we're in the beginning of 2017, when I was in between jobs and decided to go to a spiritual community in Brazil for 2 weeks for a friend's wedding. I ended up staying 3 months for reasons you wouldn't believe. But what I found there was the love of my life, who reflected back at me who I truly was deep inside.. someone much more than some depressed person on medication I had identified with most of my life. In Brazil, I had more profound spiritual experiences that further stretched my belief of who I was and what I was capable of. I was eventually told by a faith healer that the spirits would help me get off this medication once and for all, and I believed it with all my heart.
When I returned back home, we took an epic 3 months road trip around the US that ended with a 10-week stay at Hippocrates Health Institute in Florida for their Health Educator Program. Here my mind opened up even further to the world of nutrition, detox and natural healing.. specifically as it relates to serious chronic diseases like cancer. During that time, my body went through a physical transformation that I had never experienced before. And after I came back home, I continued all the things I learned there and went deeper and deeper in the cleansing of my body, mind and spirit. At this point, I was ready to try to ween myself off my medication one... more... time.
Despite having failed so many times in the past and having so much evidence to support this being another colossal failure, I was ready. I knew in every cell of my body that it was going to work. And this time, I got even more clever. Rather than playing the game of splitting pills and alternating dosages like all the psychiatrists would recommend, I discovered that they actually make a liquid version of the medication I was taking. And so I used a professional laboratory pipette to slowly reduce the dosage each day over the course of the next 12 months. I was in no hurry.
Well exactly a year after I had returned from my education at Hippocrates, I'm proud to say I went to zero medication. What was once a total impossibility in my mind was now a reality. Nearly 7 years later, I no longer struggle with symptoms of depression or anxiety. I don't get sick. I feel alive and healthy. Every day I learn something new about health or my spiritual journey, and I'm encouraged to go even deeper in my healing.
So I share this story with you because I want everyone to know that this is your journey, no one else's. If you let people tell you how impossible something is, that is going to become your reality. You've been told this before, but maybe you still don't believe or realize just how powerful your mind is. What I ultimately did was allowed the old parts of me to die so that a greater self could emerge. All the other times before, I was merely trying to put the cart before the horse.. expecting to heal without having done any real deep work. And look how long it took me. About 7 years total. About the same amount of time it takes for every cell in your body to die and be made anew. You are no longer the same person you were 7 years ago that created and inhabited the disease. All it took was programming the new cells created along the way with better stuff.
So know this.. it is always possible to heal. And this isn't about survival, because believe it or not, there are things more important than the avoidance of death. It starts with asking why dis-ease forms in the first place. Everybody is out there looking for the answers, but it's the question that really drives the revelations and insights you're looking for. Whatever you're going through, there is a reason. And what the planet and society are going through, there is also a reason. And you may think you already know the reason. Even so, open yourself up. Don't close. Don't be so opinionated and judgmental of new ideas.. and don't be so attached to the outcomes of your efforts. They will come in their own time. This is your life's work. The cancer or whatever you're going through is just a symptom.. a red flag signal that your body has created intentionally to try and motivate you to take notice.
I'll leave you with this. Whatever you're going through, remember that there is a reason. And everything that arises in time, passes in time. Nothing is permanent. None of us get out of here alive. We've become very afraid of death, but that is a mass delusion. The truth of the matter is, we are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. And as spiritual beings, we are eternal. Your truest sense of self will never go away. And if you want to have a direct experience with this someday, all you have to do is ask the question sincerely and the Universe will show you.
About the Author
Firoze Mehta is a Nutrition Therapist Master and Certified Hippocrates Health Educator® specializing in helping people with cancer. Whatever the health condition, Firoze helps others to learn the truth about health and disease, while providing the guidance and support of a personal coach. If you're interested in learning more, click here.